Love them or hate them, there’s no getting away from them…
1. The Class Joker
This is the one always up for a laugh, and if nothing in the classroom is even slightly amusing, this person will make it happen. An unending stream of innuendo, “yo Mumma” and “that’s what she said” comebacks, the class joker has been flying the flag for students who are in denial about their adult status since the dawn of time.
2. The Narcoleptic
This person’s ability to fall asleep at any time and in any place is actually quite impressive. This is the person everyone loves to watch as they desperately try to cling onto their consciousness, sinking further under the desk while the whole class prays for the teacher not to notice, because watching the sliding Narcoleptic is sooooo much more entertaining than the lecture could ever be…
3. The Kebab King
Generally, you will smell this dude before you see him. He seems unable to function without a half masticated cow rolling around his chops, and he also has a habit for choosing only the smelliest foods. This guy always tells the most epic stories of his nights out, but each one ends in exactly the same way: “…and then I got a king-size doner kebab, garlic sauce, no salad.” Well, at least he’s consistent!
4. The Clubbing Queen
This girl is a machine! Her most used words are “hanging” and “Jägerbomb”, and she has a talent for sniffing out a party no matter what day of the week. Impressively, she still manages to make it to lecture, often still wearing last night’s make-up and yearning for a bacon sandwich, though from her lack of classroom contributions it would seem her main reason for turning up is to talk about the night before…
5. The Enthusiast
It’s easy to spot the enthusiast because they are always in the classroom at least 15 minutes before anyone else. This person gets so excited about the littlest things – selling curly fries in the cafeteria? “YES! What a time to be alive!” Unplanned pop quiz? “I was born ready!” Stepped in dog poo on the way to class? “It’s like fate had chosen me. Best. Day. EVER!”
6. The Class Sneak
This guy/girl is usually fairly harmless, but equally infuriating – there’s always that one person who manages to fluke their way through life without ever really having to think for themselves. There are a number of ways to deal with this person: 1. Constant classroom vigilance – look over your shoulder and always watch your back for those prying eyes; 2. Commit yourself to catching them out by forever writing the wrong answer…hmm, maybe that’s not the best idea after all!
7. The Expert of Excuses
“Oh man, so sorry I haven’t done the assignment. I was meant to get my Dad to do it but it completely slipped my mind!”
“Sorry I’m late! My earrings are really heavy and they slowed me down on my walk in.”
And the personal favourite: “I’ve been here the entire time. You just haven’t noticed me.” Genius!
8. The Overthinker
There’s not a thing in the world that doesn’t leave this person absolutely overcome with worry. This is the guy hyperventilating over the impending paper, despite the fact he’s already finished and is working on the second draft. This is the girl who has a nervous break down when it comes to the end of class and it’s still raining outside. Yes, they can be pretty over the top…but give them some slack – a little understanding goes a long way!
9. The Chronic Exaggerator
This is the guy or the girl that can’t live without a little drama. They tend to overreact at the slightest of things, and no matter what trial or turmoil you may be going through in life, this person always takes it one better. Always. I mean, with a life so utterly saturated with such unfortunate circumstance, it’s amazing they made it this far in life at all!
10. The Human Encyclopedia
Every class has the resident Human Encyclopedia, and they always seem to love the teacher’s attention. They can be found right at the front of class, with their head practically in the teacher’s lap, and are actually quite hard to recognise when one hand isn’t raised in the air begging for attention. In conversation, this person can sound like they’ve actually swallowed that Encyclopedia, and from their constant resting expression of deep thought it would seem like it may have given them indigestion!
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