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23 things you learned after living in Student Halls
15 Nov 2016
With so many friends to be made, so much loan to spend (ssshhhhh!) and that first real taste of pure, unadulterated freedom, living in halls is guaranteed to be one of the best years of your life. But, as with everything in this crazy world, living in Halls of Residence certainly has ups and downs…
1. Everyone has that one special flatmate. You know the one – most of the time you adore them, sometimes you want to shove a thick pair of socks far, far, far down their gullet…but either way you love them, and now fully understand the meaning of a ‘Friend for Life’…
2. If at first someone seems really weird…they probably are. And yes, you should try to avoid contact with them as much as you possibly can, because if they latch onto you there’ll be no letting go…
3. Try not to get too comfortable when you’re feeling a little worse for wear the day after the night before…all of your housemates are mental and none of them know how to cook…the fire alarm will go off, and hungover students lose all concept of morality when it’s 4am and they’re craving bacon…
4. You can’t hide anything so you may as well not even try. The Gods of Student Gossip won’t rest until every single person on every campus corner has heard your tale of cringe. Be prepared, and embrace it – c’mon, you’re practically famous! Relish the attention and rest comfortable in the knowledge that soon someone will do something way more embarrassing than you ever did – it’s the Circle of Student life…
5. The world is full of dishonest people who drink all your milk, eat your last cookie and leave you stranded on the toilet with nothing left to wipe. Each one of them will try some kind of twisted psychology to make you think you ate more than you thought – but you know Mumma didn’t raise no fool, and someone’s been playing greedy midnight games in the ominous light of the fridge…
6. …But when you need a cup of tea and times are hard and it’s far too late to buy milk, your moral compass swivels to dark and unknown places when you see that matey has a fresh carton on his shelf…
“Just one cup – he won’t notice a thing.”
**Next day**
“Ah man! Forgot to get milk…again!”
**Opens Fridge**
Inner monologue: “Oh, I see Matey’s still got milk…he won’t notice a thing…”
7. You’ve lived with structured meals that are both generic and restrictive for your entire life, when actually, eating breakfast for dinner is totally a thing, and it is in fact, entirely amazing…
8. When your Mum used to say: “Well, you certainly take me for granted! You’re not going to have someone walking round cleaning up after you your whole life!” she was definitely wrong, because now you have a cleaner and she has it all under control…
9. …But using the hoover to clean up vomit is a sure-fire way to peeve said cleaner…
10. Yes, every student really does speak fluent prank…
11. Having an en-suite bathroom pretty much makes you King…
12. Door keys should be bigger. Maybe then you wouldn’t lose them as much, and you wouldn’t have to sit, cold and alone outside your bedroom door at 3.30am, with nothing to keep you company but the hollow fear of the hangover arriving before you’ve even been to sleep…
Via MemeGen.
13. So you don’t have an en-suite but there’s a sink in your bedroom. No matter how much you tell yourself that you’d never stoop so low as to relieve yourself in your own bedroom sink – you’re wrong. Increasingly drunken times call for increasingly desperate measures…
14. Your room is not a mess. It’s organised chaos…
when ur room is as messy as ur life pic.twitter.com/J7WNS9EEIk
— ♡ (@stainedhearts) November 13, 2016
15. It’s a good idea to stash all your favourite treats, because if they’re your favourite, you can guarantee they’ll be someone else’s too, and students have no shame in stealing other students’ food.
16. You really should start taking out the bins. It will become a problem. Mum was definitely right about that…
Via Jokideo.
17. Traffic cones are, and always will be, a hilariously good source of fun…
18. Always let somone else be ‘the one with the TV’, that way you don’t have to suffer 20 people stuffed onto your bed every time a good show is on…
19. Relish in the all-inclusive price of rent and unlimited heating while you have the chance, because soon you’ll be living in a damp, dark hole that costs more than you could make if you sold both your lungs, and even if you wear every single item of clothing you own, you still won’t be safe from frostbite…
20. A clothes horse is a magical thing, but your room is pretty much always going to look like this…
21. When you’re drunk and hungry you’ll eat pretty much anything…
This…looks like something my friends and I’d do when drunk and hungry pic.twitter.com/2d0BI51DE9
—HEUAXFLAKE(@annakedavra) January 2, 2016
22. You really should hold that random girl’s hair while she pukes because one day, it’s going to be you…
When your #FridayFeeling requires a friend to hold your hair whilst her mum applauds sarcastically. pic.twitter.com/ubh5BOZYqG
— Henry Tudor (@KngHnryVIII) October 21, 2016
23. You’re never going to live this close to Uni, so live life on the edge and don’t leave until the last possible second…
Image via Shutterstock
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